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It was bound to happen. Ever since porn star Savanna Samson started her own wine label—Sogno Uno, in Italy with the 2005 vintage—it was only a matter of time before a full-frontal line of sexually charged wines was unleashed. Thanks to the folks at Porneauxxx Imports, a brand new firm based in Hoboken, New Jersey, wine lovers will soon be drinking vins and vinos with some real va-va-va-voom.

The Wine Skewer was treated to a sneak peek at the complete Porneauxxx line, at a 25-cent movie theater just off Times Square in Manhattan.

200177388-001Chateau Porneauxxx 2006 “Triple X Cuvée” Bordeaux. The flagship blend of the line, this classic French beauty makes you want to uncork it with your favorite mate on a shaggy rug in front of a fire. Like a vintage, cepia-tone burlesque photo, Porneauxxx teases, offering layers of titillating pleasure—cedary earthiness with a touch of plum on the nose, currants popping on the palate, palpable tannins stroking the tongue before slinking away in a way that just makes you want more. But Chateau Porneauxxx is not just a tease: behind every label is passport-size photo of, well, real porn, for your eyes only. We don’t want to tell you what the picture is…think of it as a sort of blind date with Bordeaux.

 

Righteous Shugga 08. Straight from the streets, this tricked-out blend of mm-mmm-mystery grapes is blingin’ inside and out. Sure, baby, there’s some Shiraz. Some sin Zin too. Maybe Malbec, and a touch-o’-sugar tickling your tongue like nobody’s bizness. And mos definitely it’s been around the block, in a goooood way. It’s got the beat, that’s all you got to know. Just open wide and say ahhhhh. Wine out. Read the rest of this entry »

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It’s July, and America is still sweltering amid the extreme high pressure front of the Great Economic Downturn. Wine is not immune. In fact, the econo-doldrums have prompted some surprising, even outright bizarre, measures on the part of wine makers and marketers. To wit, consider the following wine ventures that the Wine Skewer—exclusively, mais oui—has learned are in the works….

[tignanello tail]. This mash-up of high-end and low-end wine was bound to happen. On one hand we have the 16 {or is it 60… who’s counting?} generations of winemaking Antinoris, whose Super Tuscan pre-eminence has been reduced to worthless press clippings as their $100 blends draw more dust than glances on U.S. retail shelves. On the other hand, we have Yellow Tail, the Jammy Juggernaut of Oz, King of Critters, the wine that every 30-years-and-under American can remember, pronounce and afford. Look for bottlings of this new joint venture to appear for $19.99 {hey, it’s the new $99.99}. Read the rest of this entry »

HIM: Honey, have you seen the Rabbit?

HER: Which one?

HIM: What do you mean, which one? The Rabbit. It’s black, has clamps as ears, a lever on top, big Teflon screw… Art wants to do a Pinot-palooza during the barbecue. I promised I’d bring the über-corkscrew.

HER: Ah, you mean your Rabbit.

HIM: Well, I’m okay with calling it our Rabbit. I’m a good sharer.

HER: You’re forgetting that I have a Rabbit too. It’s black and shiny and makes me very…hoppy! Kind of like a Penis-palooza, without the penis.

HIM: Ohhhh, that Rabbit. Read the rest of this entry »

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