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It was an exciting weekend at the Wine Skewer, as our trendsetting blog learned of a new twist in the escalating war of words over the use of words on wine labels.

Stakes in the semantic skirmish reached a tipping point earlier this month when Decanter magazine  reported that the European Union aims to enforce previously drafted regulations banning the use of a specific set of terms on U.S. wines exported to Europe. The forbidden words? Chateau, classic, clos, cream, crusted/crusting, fine, late bottled, vintage, noble, ruby, superior, sur lie, tawny, vintage and vintage character.

Apparently one American entrepreneur is planning to confront the challenge head-on. John Doe {pronounced D’oh!}—proprietor of The Winery That Shall Not Be Named {aka No-Name Cellars}, located in the humble Undisclosed Location AVA—told the Skewer: “If they think those words are offensive, they’ve got another thing coming.” Unless European lawmakers abandon this legislation, Doe’s No-Name Cellars will release the following wines, exclusively for distribution outside across the Atlantic:

Deep Pink. Sporting a shade of pink more frequently found in hot pants than in wine, Deep Pink is made by crushing red grapes and using skin contact to achieve its radiant hue, as opposed to mixing red and white wine (a practice recently rejected by the EU and heralded as a victory for authentic winemaking). However, unlike traditional Provence rosés, No-Name Deep Pink is made from Concord grapes and, as a result of his patent-penting “fementus interruptus” vinification technique, is left demonstrably sweet. Doe describes the wine’s taste profile as “ironic” in that while most European rosés are dry, his is “wet.” The wine is to be adorned with a label graphic that might best be described as Georgia-O’Keefe-ish {we would run a label reproduction, but hey, this is a family-friendly blog}. Read the rest of this entry »

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