Where’s Hardy? Wallace AWOL? Not Goode! Plus: Whine Radio? Say Wha!

Remember the Where’s Waldo books? A modern classic series back in the Age of Print. Big hardcovers that opened to panoramic cartoons of countless people in quirky settings engaged in practically every possible human behavior except fornication. And somewhere on every spread stood Waldo, hiding in plain sight: round-frame glasses, goofy-cool striped hat, smile. The idea of the book was simple and sweet: find Waldo. Ah, good times.

And now, an updated, wined-up version: Where’s Hardy?

Yes, Hardy Wallace. He of that Very Goode Job. He now of Healdsburg. He who rose American-Idol-like from a mass of vinous videos to emerge as the Social Media One. He of the smiling mug emblazoned above Times Square.

Alas, where is Hardy now? Has the enormity of the Internet reduced him to virtual Waldo status—just one smiling, skinny-specs avatar among googols of cyberpeeps He started when, August 15? Sure, he had to relocate from Atlanta, but come on—that’s a month ago. Where is the resounding social-media quake from Hardy clanging together his cymbal-ic followings on Twitter and Facebook?

Let’s start with some definite places Hardy is NOT. He is not playing tennis with Serena Williams, sharing a microphone with Kanye West or lying with Joe Wilson. Nor, as far a we know, has he changed last name to Wallacé, to rhyme with Beyoncé (though we would not be surprised to learn that Rick Bakas, one of Hardy’s former co-candidates for the Murphy-Goode gig, is now answering to “Bacchus” in his parallel role at St. Supéry).

On the other hand, Las Vegas is a possibility. Perhaps Hardy is still in the research phase of the “jobbe,” trawling casinos in a mission to understand the roots of Murphy-Goode’s gambling-themed labels—Snake Eyes, All In, Liar’s Dice, Wild Card—and he never stopped playing. Or, when visiting every cranny of the Murphy-Goode operation—from vineyards to winery to offices—maybe Hardy got dragged into an endless debate over whether the hyphen in Murphy-Goode gets pronounced.

Is he plotting something ginormous…the Murphy-Even-Gooder Energy Drink? Or has he been tied to a chair for weeks while lawyers go over every-little-thing he can’t do as a “spokesperson” for a product that contains alcohol.

Speaking of sitting, maybe Hardy sitting cross-legged and yogi-like atop a peak in Alexander Valley, waiting for a bolt of inspiration before firing up his laptop with its two-hour battery. Or he is down valley, whispering inspiration in the ears of Rachel Alexandra, Jess Jackson’s racehorse….

Aha—that’s it: Hardy was going deep undercover for a few weeks to make sure he did not earn a “nomination” for the Wine Enthusiast “Wine Star” Awards and have to commit to purchasing multiple pricey seats at the NYC gala on Monday night in January. Mission accomplished. Hardy was passed over for “Lifestyle Correspondent of the Year.” However, he (and Rachel Alexandra) may still be in the running for the “To be announced!” Lifetime Achievement Award, considering the number of times Jackson Family Estates brands have brought home “Starfish” hardware.

Here at the Skewer, we were starting to get concerned about Hardy’s whereabouts, not in the least because weeks ago {before he become “Oh, That Hardy”}, the young man from Atlanta pledged to serve in some capacity on Palate Press. Next thing we knew, the gig was Hardy’s, but he grew quieter than the major league baseball pennant races!

Today, however, we are proud to announce that we have a bead on the Hardster. A veritable sighting, or at least a delightful “hearing.” Hardy, fellow Palate Presser David Honig and I taped a spot last evening with Randy and Kaz for http://winebizradio.com, set to air Friday (Sept. 18)  from 4:00-5:00 Pacific time on KSYV 91.3 Sonoma. You can also catch it at the KSYV site or at winebizradio, where I believe it can be downloaded as a podcast/iTune or simply taken intravenously.

Hardy was/is/will be in fine fettle during the spot, having just finished “settling in” to his M-G stint and cranking up his own dedicated blog. The guy has infectious optimism, plus he really does know his wine. I am not giving away anything by telling you Hardy has big things in store, starting with a mustache with meaning far beyond its motley gestalt of whiskers. (Apparently the mustache has even been noticed by Healdsburg locals, when they get up real close.)

So check out  winebizradio Friday night (or later, if it conflicts with your brisket). You’ll also hear some more of our thoughts on Palate Press, plus a surreal firsthand traffic report from the inimitable Kaz (two days old by airtime) and Randy’s unorthodox but very natural idea for wine storage.

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In other pluggish news, I got some ink in the Chicago Tribune this week, serving as one of three wine-food pros asked to tame so-called “winekillers” like artichokes, asparagus and vinegar. Check it out, slideshow-style!

The highly respected trade magazine Wines & Vines ran a nice article on Palate Press.

And in coming months, I will be teaching a few very fun recreational wine classes at Institute of Culinary Education in Manhattan:
Wines by Style, Saturday 10/9/2009, 7:00-9:00 pm
Austrian & German Wines, Saturday 11/7/2009, 7:00-9:00 pm
Catch the TrendiestWines, Saturday 12/5/2009, 7:00-9:00 pm

Fall Forward? Palate Present?

Labor Day has come and gone. It’s now dark by 8:00. Time to stop wearing (if not drinking) white. I’m all for pushing ahead to Fall. But first, must clean the cobwebs off the blog by sharing some summer leftovers and good news about things ahead…

Friday Frappe: Riesling as the People’s Wine {& More}

Riesling rocks. Life is not a blind tasting. Nor should it be. I was delightfully reminded of this slice of vino-veritas this week when running a wine bar at a cocktail party for a group of about 100 NY metro alumni of a prominent business school. It was a completely unscientific and yet utterly real-world setting to compare how wine lovers respoinded to an array of options. Let’s cut to the chase: the hands-down winner in this smackdown was a Finger Lakes Riesling; Dr. Konstantin Frank 2007 Semi-Dry Riesling, to be precise. Over the course of two hours, we went through 8 bottles of the luscious Dr. K (retail $15), vs. just over 2 bottles of Chalk Hill 2006 Sauvignon Blanc ($29 retail). This was an old-fashioned and well-deserved butt-kicking. The Dr. K checked in to the party with gobs of juicy fruit and a vivid underpinning of mouthwatering acidity that seemed to make apples turn into apricots and pear. What was wrong with the Chalk Hill, which I learned after the fact had been “highly rated”? It was a Chardo-wannabe, smothered with a viscous malo-lactic charater and barrel-induced distraction. Fruit and acid took a backseat to winemaking technique and the result, as judged by the discerning masses, was not pretty. In fact, I ran out of the Dr. K, even after starting to offer smaller pours; could have probably poured 12 bottles. Word got out very quickly: try the Riesling. People kept coming, and kept coming back.

Great News! Cash for Clunkers Program Extended to Wine

Listen up, wine lovers: Fermented grape juice and hulking SUVs have something in common besides ethyl alcohol as an ingredient. The federal Cash for Clunkers program has been extended to wine.

The Wine Skewer has learned that thanks to secret negotiations hammered out this weekend over copious quantities of nondescript Merlot at an undisclosed wine bar in San Francisco, aides to Governor Schwarzenegger and President Obama are expected to announce that relief is at hand for millions of American enthusiasts whose wine cellars once seemed cool and wonderful but are now hallmarks of inefficiency and/or bad taste.

According to a reliable inside source (the bartender), the plan—dubbed “Greeno for Vino” until someone comes up with something catchier—will cover the following categories.

Now Pouring: Have Ethics Become the Difference between Wine Bloggers and Wine Writers?

One of the pleasant side effects of being a wine professional is the opportunities that pop up involving our favorite beverage. Take, for example, one that arrived over the weekend.

A fairly large, fine-wine-oriented distributor was looking for volunteers to pour at their portfolio tasting on a Monday, in Manhattan, in September. Said the email:

“The work is pretty straightforward: They’ll need you from noon to 6:00 to pour wines; you’ll receive a fact sheet beforehand that will cover information about the region whose wines you’ll be working with. For your efforts, you will be compensated with a mixed case of their wines.”

Note that this email came to me under the auspices of a dues-driven association of New York wine media professionals, so my response needed to account for the fact that I am a member wine writer/blogger/communicator. That said, what do you think my reaction was? Here’s what ran through my head, roughly in order…

Is it Finally Sexy Time for Wine? New Import Portfolio Goes Straight for the Crotch

It was bound to happen. Ever since porn star Savanna Samson started her own wine label—Sogno Uno, in Italy with the 2005 vintage—it was only a matter of time before a full-frontal line of sexually charged wines was unleashed. Thanks to the folks at Porneauxxx Imports, a brand new firm based in Hoboken, New Jersey, wine lovers will soon be drinking vins and vinos with some real va-va-va-voom.

The Wine Skewer was treated to a sneak peek at the complete Porneauxxx line, at a 25-cent movie theater just off Times Square in Manhattan.

Chateau Porneauxxx 2006 “Triple X Cuvée” Bordeaux. The flagship blend of the line, this classic French beauty makes you want to uncork it with your favorite mate on a shaggy rug in front of a fire. Like a vintage, cepia-tone burlesque photo, Porneauxxx teases, offering layers of titillating pleasure—cedary earthiness with a touch of plum on the nose, currants popping on the palate, palpable tannins stroking the tongue before slinking away in a way that just makes you want more. But Chateau Porneauxxx is not just a tease: behind every label is passport-size photo of, well, real porn, for your eyes only. We don’t want to tell you what the picture is…think of it as a sort of blind date with Bordeaux.

 

Righteous Shugga 08. Straight from the streets, this tricked-out blend of mm-mmm-mystery grapes is blingin’ inside and out. Sure, baby, there’s some Shiraz. Some sin Zin too. Maybe Malbec, and a touch-o’-sugar tickling your tongue like nobody’s bizness. And mos definitely it’s been around the block, in a goooood way. It’s got the beat, that’s all you got to know. Just open wide and say ahhhhh. Wine out.

Mergers & Mayhem in the Wine Biz as Economy Continues to Swoon

It’s July, and America is still sweltering amid the extreme high pressure front of the Great Economic Downturn. Wine is not immune. In fact, the econo-doldrums have prompted some surprising, even outright bizarre, measures on the part of wine makers and marketers. To wit, consider the following wine ventures that the Wine Skewer—exclusively, mais oui—has learned are in the works….

[tignanello tail]. This mash-up of high-end and low-end wine was bound to happen. On one hand we have the 16 {or is it 60… who’s counting?} generations of winemaking Antinoris, whose Super Tuscan pre-eminence has been reduced to worthless press clippings as their $100 blends draw more dust than glances on U.S. retail shelves. On the other hand, we have Yellow Tail, the Jammy Juggernaut of Oz, King of Critters, the wine that every 30-years-and-under American can remember, pronounce and afford. Look for bottlings of this new joint venture to appear for $19.99 {hey, it’s the new $99.99}.

Bunny Talk {or Now, For Something Completely Different…}

HIM: Honey, have you seen the Rabbit?

HER: Which one?

HIM: What do you mean, which one? The Rabbit. It’s black, has clamps as ears, a lever on top, big Teflon screw… Art wants to do a Pinot-palooza during the barbecue. I promised I’d bring the über-corkscrew.

HER: Ah, you mean your Rabbit.

HIM: Well, I’m okay with calling it our Rabbit. I’m a good sharer.

HER: You’re forgetting that I have a Rabbit too. It’s black and shiny and makes me very…hoppy! Kind of like a Penis-palooza, without the penis.

HIM: Ohhhh, that Rabbit.

Jon & Kate Shocker: Real Reason for Split Not the Fame, Not Affairs… It Was All About the Wine!

Couch Potato America reclined and recoiled the other night upon learning that the Reality TV stars of Jon & Kate Plus 8 have filed for divorce. The split can not come as too great a surprise, what with mounting tabloid rumors, not to mention the cumulative stress of raising twins and sextuplets amid the relentless glare of cameras. What may come as a shock, however, is the real reason for their split: namely wine.

Catching the Trendiest Wines Around {this Saturday @ICE in NYC}

I am extremely fortunate to be affiliated with the Institute of Culinary Education in Manhattan, where I do both private/corporate events and teach. For those in the vicinity, I have a class this Saturday (June 27) called “Catch the Trendiest Wines” {still a few seats available @ $80; if interested, click to register}.

I thought it would be fun to share my 12 Trend-O-Licious picks here, as well as the logic behind them. In most cases I am aiming to showcase a type of wine, rather than specific brands/bottlings. And, as per my usual tack whenever designing a tasting, the wines were picked with a progression in mind, from lighter through heavier.